A short reflection on comparison.

We all know that scrolling in our phones isn’t necessarily good for us. Granted, it can be a fun thing to do – I have learned how to be a home “barista” on instagram, I learned how to quilt on YouTube, I pick crochet patterns off of Pinterest, most of my recipes come from some of my favorite bloggers, and a vast majority of the books on my “to be read” list are from “bookstagram”. However, I am sure that I am not alone when I mention the feeling you get when you’re scrolling through recipes, crafts, books, etc. and that post pops up. The one that is a breeding ground for discontentment. For me, it can be photos of a bigger or nicer home that make me feel like my current home is “not enough”. It can be a collection of views on a vacation that makes me think we don’t travel enough. It can be a breakdown of household expenses that makes me want to make more money. Before coming to that post, I was perfectly content with learning the process of roasting coffee beans, watching artists paint, learning my next home coffee drink to learn, yet afterwards I am left with something else. Maybe it’s desire? Discontentment? I compare what I have to what “they” have and ultimately, I am left with the feeling that I’m just not enough.

I can’t be alone in this, can I?

Comparison can bring many amazing things. How cool is it that, when I was in middle school, I watched a high schooler throw a discus and thought “man, she is so strong; I want to do that someday”, led to me dedicating four years to learning the discus throw, winning a state championship, and ultimately competing at the Division 2 level in this sport? How cool is it that, when I was bored in my college dorm, I stumbled across a video of a young adult female creating a quilt and thought, “I would love to do that”, and sure enough, I write this as I’m wrapped up in one of my personal favorite quilts I made myself and I have multiple people I know and love who cherish the quilts I was able to create myself. I could give many more examples, but you get the gist – all of these new talents and hobbies that have become part of “who I am” and “what I do” were stemmed from seeing something cool and wanted to learn it.

But there’s a darker, more sinister, side of comparison. Often it creeps up without us knowing and we don’t even notice it until it’s taken root. Even though comparison can be a place where new hobbies and healthy habits are learned, it can cause discontentment and questions of identity to multiply. It can breed selfishness, bitterness towards others, and much more. Comparison does not start there. It starts with a root that takes hold in the heart. We, as sisters in Christ, are all called to be together in unity and to encourage and build one another up as we live this life here until our ultimate rest with Christ. Yet, comparison can wreak havoc on this, and I’ve seen it.

Now, when thinking about comparison, I would imagine some scripture coming from the gospels, Ephesians, the Psalms. And, realistically, there’s probably a lot of really good stuff in these books about comparison. However, I never imagined that my scripture references would come from one of the smaller, most “skippable” books in the Old Testament, Habakkuk. However, God provides wisdom in the most unexpected ways I could not believe what God was teaching me through His word in this book.

There is a lot of context that we just do not have time to look into right now that makes the book of Habakkuk more understandable. However, the 30,000 foot view of the book is this:

*Habakkuk prays to God, why are things this way?

*God tells Habakkuk that He’s working, Habakkuk just can’t see it right now.

*Habakkuk prays to God, how can things be this way when they don’t seem to match up with who I know you to be?

*God tells Habakkuk that God does NOT stand for these things, but Habakkuk is to “wait” and trust in who God is and what His ultimate plan is.

*Habakkuk prays that God will do His work and have mercy on His people. 

Ending with Habakkuk 3:17-19.

17 Though the fig tree does not bud

And there is no fruit on the vines,

Though the olive crop fails

And the fields produce no food,

Though the flocks disappear from the pen

And there are no herds in the stalls,

18 Yet I will celebrate in the Lord;

I will rejoice in the God of my salvation!

19 The Lord my Lord is my strength;

He makes my feet like those of a deer

And enables me to walk on mountain heights

Now, the book of Habakkuk doesn’t give you any direct instructions or teachings related to comparison or jealousy. But I couldn’t help but notice Habakkuk’s heart in the whole thing. Habakkuk wants things to be different. He longs for a different outcome than God has prophesied. He knows God for who He is, yet the situation he is in doesn’t seem right. But the real kicker is this – throughout the duration of the book of Habakkuk, not a single thing changed on God’s end. God assured Habakkuk that He is the same God, and this situation Habakkuk was in is a piece of God’s ultimate plan.

The only thing that changed in the book of Habakkuk was Habakkuk’s heart.

That’s why I say that the book of Habakkuk has nothing to do with comparison to our sisters in Christ, yet everything to do with comparing ourselves to our sisters in Christ. We will likely find ourselves at some point in a situation or circumstance that is less than desirable. Struggles and suffering are pretty much a guarantee in the Christian life, and I have found that as my relationship with the Lord deepens, my questions become bigger and harder to work through, not easier. I have found that it is extremely tempting to look outward at times instead of upward, at what others have going for them and compare to what I have going for myself. I have found myself asking the question “Why, God?” Or “Why me, God?” Far too often. And it’s not just in obvious ways such as comparing material things, but it also can be more subtle and when we least expect it. It can be as superficial or as deep as Satan feels he needs to make it cut so it impacts our relationship with Christ and our relationships with our sisters in Christ. Honestly, I would argue that comparison tends to be more subtle and more “innocent” than the material things, and often with these subtle comparisons comes seeds of doubt in God and seeds of resentment (no matter how small) for our sisters in Christ.

Some examples: (by the way, there are MANY… I just have a few examples)

*There is, of course, the material comparison trap, in terms of “stuff” or finances

*But then, there’s the more subtle things, such as comparing how you are serving in church to how others serve, comparing someone’s highlight reel on social media to your daily grind, comparing someone’s parenting style or interactions with their spouse and wondering why you can’t do things as well as they do them. Maybe it’s muddling through the trenches of a mental health condition or postpartum anxiety and depression and wondering why things couldn’t be different. The list can be endless. 

What’s really hard and where satan really gets you is when comparison goes past just the thing and rolls into “what’s wrong with me”. Sisters, I have truly been here, and this is probably the most vulnerable I’ll get here. Some of my struggles with comparison have been so deep and satan knows that, in my life personally, the deepest cuts happen when he rolls me right past the struggle of comparison and off the deep end within my brain.

My sweet dad owns 8 acres of land, and on about 3 acres he planted a beautiful wildflower field. The first year, the wildflowers were absolutely incredible. They still are beautiful on year three, but I was talking to him the other day about how the weeds started last year, but this year the weeds have completely overtaken this patch of wildflowers to the point where the wildflowers are getting crowded out, shaded out, or starved out. He was debating on whether or not he should start from scratch next year and replant because he doesn’t know how it would be possible to beat the weeds next year. Same goes with the drop off in the brain that I was just referring to. A thought of comparison, or a “weed”, might pop up here and there in the heart, but if you do not kill it or squanch it right away, it’ll grow fast and overtake the heart before you know it. Then that “weed” will lead to the seeding of another weed, and on and on it goes. Once the weeds overtake the heart, it’s incredibly easy for the mind to spiral into the thoughts that are not fruitful or helpful – “what did I do wrong?”, “Is there something wrong with me?”, or my least favorite one, “You must not deserve it” or “you must not be good enough”. Gosh, the honesty hurts, but I love you guys too much to skip over this part. 

How do we find victory from this? How do I find victory from this? Now, I’m not saying I’m an expert. Like I said before, I have very strong personal struggles in this area, and I pray to God that He can continue to change my heart. However, one thing I have found incredibly encouraging in my personal time with the Lord are the prayers that Paul said while in prison. In multiple of the New Testament books, they were written by Paul, who had everything taken away from him, in terms of material possessions and his community of people he loved. If you think about Paul’s situation, he had every earthly reason to look at himself in a jail cell and compare himself to just about anyone he was writing to. Yet, his writings actually don’t really give any indication that he did that at all. 

*In Ephesians 1:15-23, Paul says “I never stop giving thanks for you as I remember you in my prayers” and continues to pray for the Spirit of Christ to be working in and through them. 

*In Ephesians 3:14-21, Paul prays that Christ may dwell in their hearts through faith, and that they would experience the fullness of God and His love

*In Philippians 1:9-11, Paul prays that their love would grow and that they will be “pure and blameless in the day of Christ”

*In Colossians 1:3-14, Paul says that he hasn’t stopped praying for the Colossians, praying that they will walk worthy of the Lord, bearing fruit and growing in the knowledge of the Lord

*Philemon 4-7, Paul says “I always thank my God when I mention you in my prayers”, and he says in verse 7 “For I have great joy and encouragement from your love, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you, brother.”

Throughout these four letters, I looked for a hint of jealousy in Paul’s writing, but I could not find one. Sure, there was longing for the situation to be different at times, but Paul certainly understood that this is where God has him and God is using him here. With the amount of love that Paul had for the people he was writing to, I truly do not think there was room in Paul’s heart for jealousy. At least, there is no indication in his writings really. Not only that, but his prayers indicate a more powerful focus – growing in love and relationship with others, loving the Lord and others, and ultimately the salvation of them and the people around them, so that all would come to know and love Christ and all would be saved. When we pray more about those around us in our church family and about those we are surrounded with, we learn to love them more and it is so much harder for any weeds to take root.

Sisters, I truly think that we, including myself, need a heart change to completely squander out any roots that are leading to comparison in our lives and our church, because it really does impact not only our hearts but our church body. Imagine a new Christian woman walking into our church at CVBC and learning that we are a community who loves and encourages others so well, we are so secure in our own personal relationships with Christ and we trust in God’s plan for our lives so much, that there is no room in our hearts for comparison or jealousy? Imagine the freedom that would bring. I pray we can be that church and I can be that person, so that anyone here or new to our church can feel fully comfortable and confident that the love of Christ shines so brightly that there’s no room for the weeds.