Have you ever been glad that something didn’t work out?

Let me paint a personal picture for you. 

When I was just finishing up graduate school, I had a strong desire to move out west to somewhere in the mountains. As you can tell by the photos on this website, I have a deep love for nature and the mountains, and the thought of living in a location where I was close to them and could hike them, climb them, admire them, and spend endless weekends and hours out in nature brought me so much joy. I had internships in some incredible locations where I was able to fall in love with the west as I was out there. Yet, as I was praying through where to be, I felt this strong pull home to the Midwest near family. I ended up taking a job in the place where I now call home, but I had always wondered what would have happened if I moved out west. Within a couple of months of moving to my now-home, I found a home I love and a job I enjoyed with some incredible support from my colleagues. Just about immediately when I had moved here, I found an incredible church family, and I was just over an hour away from my parents, siblings, and nieces and nephews. I found a man who loved the Lord and loved me extremely well. I had a feeling that I was going to marry this one, and I had never really had that feeling of knowing before then. 

As many of you likely know, in March 2020, about 8 months after I had moved back to the Midwest permanently, the world stopped. I was in a hospital setting working with patients who had many conditions, one of which was COVID from the pandemic. With the world stopping, I had ceased to see my church family and my involvement there significantly tanked, I was living alone in my apartment, I had broken up with my boyfriend (now husband), and I wasn’t able to see any family due to me working in a hospital and exposed to the worst forms of COVID daily. On top of that, I ended up getting quite sick, where I was out of commission for 2-3 weeks completely and it took me quite a long time to recover completely.  

With all of this hitting at once, I was lonely, exhausted, and my mental health had suffered significantly from all of the isolation. I was looking directly in front of me, and I could see no end. Everyone responded differently to the pandemic, but I withdrew from just about any opportunity to be in a social environment completely because I had a responsibility to my patients to be there every day, and with my high exposure to the worst forms of COVID I didn’t want to put anyone I knew at risk. With my recent break up, I had remembered that time of simplicity out west, feeling the joy of being in a location I loved, and I wanted to go back. Every mental effort I had at that time was thrown into the question, “How can I get back out west?”. I was searching for new jobs, new apartments, and potential locations that had good proximity to the things I was searching for. I was full blown committed to leaving the Midwest and never looking back. Then, as I was about to submit applications to several different facilities, just about every one of them pulled their application off of the internet due to a hiring freeze with the pandemic. Every. Single. One. I was stuck here. I had been narrow minded and tunnel vision towards getting out of here, and the choice had been made for me.

At that time, I would have been tempted to ask God what the heck He was doing. There was (and still is) so much hurt and pain in this world, and sometimes it just doesn’t make sense. I cannot even begin to comprehend what God is up to at times, yet I cling to the promises that He is good, that He knows what He is doing, and that He is a better God than I could ever be. I am beyond thankful that the applications closed on the day that they closed, because I am sitting here in my home, counting my blessings including an amazing husband and daughter, a wonderful career, and a family and church family that I love dearly. I am thankful that those doors were slammed shut, because I would have none of the things I am beyond grateful for today if that were the case.

Turning to Psalm 73, the situation is different than mine was in 2020. Asaph (the author) is tempted to look at the wicked and want what they have. My story looks much different, as I was looking at an alternate situation and envious of what I could have elsewhere if I ran from all of my problems. With the way that Psalm 73 is written, I am led to believe that Asaph was encountering people that were wicked and he felt the temptation to want what they have. “But as for me, my feet almost slipped; my steps nearly went astray. For I envied the arrogant; I saw the prosperity of the wicked”. Asaph goes on to justify why he was feeling envious of those who aren’t following God. He wonders why it looks so easy for them with what seems like minimal afflictions. Why are they able to engage in all of this wickedness, yet they are blessed beyond measure with physical health and wealth? Asaph goes on to ponder this fact, wondering why on earth it would be worth it to go through the affliction and pain he is experiencing because of His belief in God, if those who don’t follow God appear to have it so much better? But then the Psalm turns in verses 16-17, and Asaph makes a realization that is so important.

Psalm 73:16-17

When I tried to understand all this, it seemed hopeless until I entered God’s sanctuary. Then I understood their destiny.

Asaph turned his eyes away from the people of this earth, away from the wicked and violent who seem to be living the “good life” and turns to God’s sanctuary. When he sees God’s sanctuary, it is beyond clear to Him that it is not this life that he should be living for, but the one that is to come that was promised to him as a child of God.

The Hebrew word for “sanctuary” is “miqdas”, and is often used 74 times in the Old Testament to describe God’s sacred place, often in a temple or tabernacle. In the Old Testament, it is often used to describe the place of God’s physical presence, where God dwelled among His people. In Psalm 27:4, David tells us that he desires nothing more from the Lord to dwell in His house all of the days of his life, because in the house of the Lord He is able to see the beauty of the Lord and dwell with Him. David tells us again in Psalm 63:1-2 as he is in the wilderness of Judah that he again wants nothing else in this world than the Lord. He uses the words “I thirst for you” and “my body faints for you in a land that is dry, desolate, and without water”, meaning that he knows God is the only one that can satisfy his needs. Therefore, David looks upon God in His sanctuary to fulfill these needs and to see His strength and glory. Just as Asaph did, when David was able to look upon the Lord, he was able to see clearly that this life just doesn’t compare to the promises ahead. Even though others may “have it all” here on earth, if they don’t put their hope and trust in God as Asaph did they will lose it all. Asaph was looking too closely that he completely lost perspective.

I know from firsthand experience that it is so easy to fixate on the “now” that we lose the “3D” perspective of past, present, and future. Asaph reminds us of this in verses 24-28 that God has never left him and that God continues to guide him here on earth. He reminds us that God is here right now, and that God will be forever present in eternity which was promised to those who believe. Asaph repents, saying that his flesh and heart failed, but God is his strength and portion. A life with God won’t bring the “good life” or the “easy life”, but it will bring a life where we have His presence and refuge not only here but in eternity as well.

So, where are you at? I’ll be honest and say that I have been in a hard season recently. There are times I can look back to in my life and have complete confidence that God was working and provided abundantly. As mentioned at the beginning, I know that God worked in my life through difficult things because He had a better plan for me. Yet in this season now, I honestly have been tempted to wonder where God is. I have had recent doubts of God’s good plans, and I am not proud to admit it. I have been losing perspective and the “big picture” as I am looking at the way things currently are. Yet, I have full confidence that the Bible was written for a reason, and this passage was included in the Bible for a reason. These words were inspired by the Lord, and the fact that they are in the Bible means that we can learn from them. The struggles and the questions that Asaph brings forward in the first half of Psalm 73 can help us to remember that we are not perfect, yet the perfect place to bring these concerns isn’t to our friends or neighbors in the form of gossip or conversation, but instead to put any doubts into the hands of the Lord. God is big, and He is more than capable of taking on your doubts. They aren’t a burden to him and He won’t think any differently of you. Doubts and struggles such as these are mentioned so often in the Bible – it’s almost as if God knows that we will experience them and He wants to teach us what to do with them. As we see in the second half of the Psalm, God has provided abundant understanding to Asaph. God is good, and He will defend His name. Any doubts we bring to Him honestly and confidently will be answered in abundance, because God wants us to truly know who He is as our Father. We can know that He will never leave us or forsake us, but He will be ever present and our refuge.

Psalm 73:28

But as for me, God’s presence is my good. I have made the Lord my refuge, so I can tell about all you do. 

Let’s give ourselves the grace and freedom to bring anything to Him, knowing that He will provide understanding in abundance as long as we keep our hands open to receive this understanding. Let’s remember, just as Asaph did, that we are guaranteed nothing here on earth besides Him alone, yet He is more than we could ever need. He doesn’t promise a spouse or more children. He doesn’t promise money or an “easy life”. He doesn’t promise that we won’t suffer or that things will be “fair”. But He does promise his consistent and abundant presence in our lives here regardless of what we are walking through, and He does promise a beautiful life in eternity with Him that is better than anything we could ever imagine.

Praise God.